You're Not Stuck. You're Double-Minded.

I am both an almost perfect mixture and consequence of my parents’ personalities. I have my mother’s pragmatism, and I’m earnestly trying to break my inherited habit of worrying. Like her, I find my home is my sanctuary, and I enjoy being alone with a book or any other form of entertainment.

Like my dad, I can also be very impulsive. I have made many plans and decisions while having a good time. A few of them left me annoyed with myself because I committed to spending money I really didn’t plan to. But my dad has a big personality. There’s no questioning when he’s in a room because he can make people laugh without even trying. I’m pretty sure I get lots of my wit from him.

Both my parents have short fuses. I’m 40, and Rochelle can still check me with a simple word, “mind”. It’s not much different with Jason. The consequence? I HATE conflict. I hate getting riled up, and I hate being pushed to the point of becoming angry.

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve settled more into myself by embracing the parts I don’t yet fully understand and graciously putting away the parts that don’t align with His purpose for my life. There’s one part of me that I’m still either trying to outgrow or figure out where it fits. It’s the part that screams “what if” anytime I think about the future.

The Exhaustion of Constant Recalibration

We often think life is hard because of the many decisions we must make daily. But I’m not sure that’s what makes life difficult. I think the challenge with living is constantly having to weigh options. Our minds are programmed to assess options based on risk and return. This is how we develop routines.

Now, I’m not against routines, but I’ve come to understand that perfection exists in them only when I’m the sole factor. Your routine can include the best time to get up, get dressed and leave the house. You can arrive at work ahead of time on four days of the week.

But your routine doesn’t account for the fifth day, and the person whose car broke down on Tonique Williams Darling Highway at the same time that there’s an accident at the roundabout.

Disruption to our routines tends to lead us into a type of recalibration to prevent future disruptions.

This constant recalibration drains our energy and creativity while spiking anxiety and cortisol. Hello, stubborn belly fat!

If executing something as simple and routine as a commute can cause distress when the unexpected happens, I can certainly understand why more impactful decisions like changing careers or starting a business are accompanied by so much trepidation.

Standing Still at the Crossroads

We prefer to remain standing at a crossroad while mulling over the mundane. Our excuse? We feel stuck. I’ve heard my paternal grandmother refer to this as the valley of indecision.

But I want to give you two truths that can help you get unstuck.

1.     You’re likely not stuck

2.     You’re likely double-minded

Part of the reason you’re wrestling with the decision before you is that you’ve long ago made up your mind to do it. What has worn you out is the constant emotional recalibration you’ve performed as you weighed every worst-case scenario.

You have done the equivalent of getting into your car, pulling it out of the driveway, placing it in park, and then flooring the gas pedal. The result? Damaged tires, transmission, and pollution with no movement.

This makes you double-minded because your intent, desire, and prayers are for progress, but your thoughts and actions hinder it. 

Constantly questioning if it’s going to work is a hindrance. You may think you’re innocently asking a simple yet important question, but you're really just building a solid foundation for your excuses to rest on.

When you think about it, impulsive or well-thought-out, every decision you’ve ever made began with a thought. Entertaining the ones perfectly crafted to keep you stuck will eventually accomplish exactly that.

Return to Your Source

Trust me, I understand not wanting to make the wrong decision, especially as you get older. A twenty-year-old has the luxury of taking a few years to figure things out. At thirty-five plus, that feels like a risk. The way to overcome this is to go back to your source. Him.

Returning to Him is not about religious posturing but understanding His nature and character. It’s understanding that He has not changed His mind about you, the things He’s purposed you for, or what He said you can have.

I think it’s funny how the enemy tries to desperately guide our thoughts. One of his immediate tactics is to have us question whether the thing we want to pursue is from us, him, or God.

Psalm 35:27 tells us that God delights in our well-being, while 3 John 1:2 reminds us that He wants us to prosper in all things and be in good health, even as our souls prosper. And one of my new favorites is Philippians 2:13, which says that it is God who is working in us both the will and the desire to do His good pleasure.

If your desire pleases God, requires His strength and will, and positively impacts your life and the lives of those you touch, then I can confidently tell you, it’s all God.

Surrendering doublemindedness isn’t about not asking questions. It’s about not allowing those questions to be the filter for your decisions. Every time we run a decision through a ‘what if’ filter, it silently strips away our confidence.

Surrendering doublemindedness and moving forward is not about carless living. It’s about understanding that the One who said ‘come’ is not just leading you but walking alongside you.

When you feel your mind recalibrating even while knowing the God of the universe is with you, ask yourself if you’re doing it in case you fail or in case He does.

 

Related Journals

 

If this journal resonated with you, subscribe to receive weekly reflections on emotional healing, spiritual growth, identity, obedience, and becoming who God created you to be.